25th April 2018
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Shetland Life Kids: Tochts fae Tushie Truncherfaece

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Back tae trowie schul

Gaein back tae schul is a tocht. An exciting een for some an a weary wan for idders. Hit wis a mix o da twa for wir bairns. Wir peeriest, Gutteryaggle, wis owergeen wi excitement aboot her first day. Da tree aalder boys wir less aaber.

Noo, hit isna ivery trow dat is sent tae schul. Nedder mesel nor Meenie geed. We wir learnt aathing aboot trowie life at hame wi wir fokk. We hummed an haaed ower pittin wir bairns but tocht hit wis for da best. Wi modernisation threatenin da trowie wye o life, we wir ton wi da subjects on offer.

Een o da maist valuable subjects is dat o Human Avoidance. If a trow canna hoid himself he’s haddit. Anidder vital subject is Tiefin. Aa trows need tae be able tae tief or dey will fant. Da peerie trows learn hoo tae mylk a coo athoot bein seen, den hoo tae gadder twartree tatties an neeps fae da rigs. Da aalder bairns learn hoo tae git a grain o flesh wi dir bow an arrows. Dere’s naethin laek a trowshot yowe tae plaese your fokk!

Helpin Oot is anidder guid subject. Da bairns caa hit H.O. Wi aa da tiefin we do, we hae tae mak up for hit bi lendin humans a hand. Hoosewark, gairdenin, workin da paets or even a grain o croft wark. Onything, as lang as we dae hit in da dark an naebody sees. Den of coorse, dey learn trowie tunes, trowie dance steps, trow literature an language an trowiematics. A foo timetable!

“I canna wait tae learn hoo tae use my bow an arrow,” said a filskit Gutteryaggle.

“I doot du’ll be startin wi da basics o Human Avoidance,” I smeeged.

Gutteryaggle lookit a picter wi her new claes and schul kishie on her back. She hed a boannie new Fair Isle cardigan an a peerie tweed skirt on. As she prinked in da mirror her sheeks wir as red as da new ribbons in her tick plaited hair.

She skippit oot o da howe an da boys traipsed ahint her. Muttontief wis da last een oot. He gied a gant an rubbit da gurr fae his een. “Cheerio!” I roared, an he gied a stunk.

Meenie an me wir blyde o wir paece an quiet an got a lok o wark trowe wir claas afore we heard da dads o da bairns runnin hame. Gutteryaggle wis da first tae burst intae da howe joost pechin. “Whit a day A’m hed!” she said, wi her new ribbons faain ower her shooder.

“Has do learnt onything, my jewel?” axed Meenie.

“Weel, A’m learnt dat a richt trow caas a see-saa a hedder-kin-dunk. I wis on da hedder-kin-dunk at playtime. An trows should caa hide-an-seek skuttamilla-skroo. We played dat an aa.”

“Du’s learnt a lok,” gaffed Meenie.

“An whit aboot you, boys?” I axed. “Hoo’s your day been?”

“Braaly guid. Wir gotten a new subject,” said Uggledlugs wi his een glansin.

“We canna wait tae git on wi hit,” added Snurtysleeves. “Howe Hockin soonds brilliant!”

“Whit? You’re gaein tae learn hoo tae hock oot howes? Dat soonds a guid practical subject,” I said, braaly impressed.

“Yea, hit’s definitely practical, Da,” said Muttontief. “Wir gaein tae learn da basics an den hock wirsels oot a new undergroond schul. Wance da trowie chiefs mak up dir minds ower whaar tae dig hit oot at, we can start hockin.”

“A new schul wid be splendid!” added Snurtysleeves. “Wir een is ower crubbit an dere is pails standin aawye tae catch da laeks.”

I set me doon aside da fire an tocht aboot whit a fine opportunity dis wis for my bairns. I joost hope yon trowie chiefs mak dir minds up afore wir eens laeve da schul . . .

Hae a fine term,

Tushie Truncherfaece