Tochts fae Tushie Truncherfaece

Gunnister Man taen bi da trows

Aabody’s been spaekin aboot da Gunnister Man. Dere’s been nae end tae da spaekalation. Wha wis he? Whit wye did he dee? An why wis he buried in a paet bog?

Weel, I hae da answers. He wis taen bi da trows. An afore you gaff, I hae evidence tae back up my claims. I ken whit he wis daein when he deed, hoo he deed an wha buried him. So read on.

Da Gunnister Man wis weel riggit. He hed a coat oot ower his jacket, twa hats an a muckle pair o glives. He wore rivlins oot ower patched socks dat wir shewn tae da bottom o his jacket tae hed dem up. So dere is nae doot he wis riggit for caald wedder, mebbe even snaa.

Noo, I ken a story aboot anidder Gunnister man wha wis weel riggit for da wedder.  Laurence or Lowrie Phillips o Gruna bed at da head o da Gunnister Voe. He telt his story tae William Sandison. Hit wis 73 years laeter an telling da story still med Lowrie fairt.

Ee winter’s nicht in 1850 dere wis a richt doonlay o snaa fae da nort. Lowrie o Gruna wis runnin oot o paets an he hed da sense tae ken dis snaa wid mebbe lay on for twartree days. So he riggit him for da wedder an set aff wi his kishie.
Denadays fokk aften kept dir paets on da hill an fetched dem as dey needed dem.

Lowrie joost hed tae waalk a mile tae his paet roogs on Midsfirth Hill. But he buxed trowe da faans for twa hoors. His roogs wir nixt tae a muckle ston meid used by fishermen as a landmark when dey wir aff in St. Magnus Bay.

By da time Lowrie filt his kishie hit wis a blind moorie. He turned tae replace da hole in da roog wi twartree faels. He brushed da snaa fae his back so hit widna sab trowe his coat den turned tae lift his kishie. Da kishie wis gone!

Lowrie checked aa around da meid an dere wis nae sign o his kishie. He kent dere wis ony wan answer. Hit hed been taen bi da trows. He couldna hing aboot, whit idder might dey dae tae him? He med da lang traipse hom wi nae kishie nor paets.

Noo, does dis mean da sam mebbe happened tae da Gunnister Man? Hit answers aa wir questions. He mebbe wis joost a man fae Gunnister oot for paets. He wis weel riggit an could aesily hiv been oot in da snaa. If da trows took his kishie, he mebbe kept lookin til he wis able tae look nae mair. Eventually da wedder took his life.

“So wha buried him?” I hear you ax. Dat’s aesy. Da trows, of coorse. Trows ir ill-trickit but dey dunna wish ony ill on humans. Dey wid hiv been afo pitten oot when dey cam across his remains on da hill. Dey wid hiv buried him oot o peety, but dey wir laekly ower blyde tae cover up dir blunder an aa.

An you’re laekly winderin why dey didna tief his coins? You’ll aa be heard aboot da Dutch an Swedish coins he wis kerryin in his worsit pooch. Aabody kens dat trows laek a bit o silver. So why did dey no tak hit? Weel, dat might hiv gien awa dat dey wir tae blame if he wis iver fon.

So dere you hae it, da Gunnister Man mystery solved. He wis a man fae Gunnister oot on a coorse nicht. Da trows took his kishie an he lost his life on da hills looking for hit. Da trows buried him whaar dey fen him. Weel, dat’s my theory.
Whit do you tink?

An here’s anidder tocht tae laeve you wi. Has onybody iver fon da crangs o a trow? Dat wid be a fin . . .

Tushie Truncherfaece x


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